July 22, 2017
We are at Tanya’s – which is a gift. She is a home for my heart. She and Nate took the kids to the pool after supper. I stayed behind and took a long bath and laid myself across her bed just like I used to. All the emotions bubbled right up and out of my eyes.
I admit I’m fretting about many things. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why is your heart troubled? I try to fight with faith, but I feel weary. I vacillate between “setting the Lord always before me” and “help my unbelief!”
How will I raise five? How will I pursue ministry? It all feels impossible. I’m tired just thinking about starting over.
I felt such closeness with God this year. I fear the fire being smothered out. Lord, I need to hear from you.
I’ve been thinking about writing a book entitled “On Mothering.” The first line will read, “This is the book I said I would never write.”