Beth Lawrence

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in Anxiety· Faith· Inadequacy· Motherhood

The Downcast Soul

July 22, 2017

We are at Tanya’s – which is a gift. She is a home for my heart. She and Nate took the kids to the pool after supper. I stayed behind and took a long bath and laid myself across her bed just like I used to. All the emotions bubbled right up and out of my eyes. 

I admit I’m fretting about many things. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why is your heart troubled? I try to fight with faith, but I feel weary. I vacillate between “setting the Lord always before me” and “help my unbelief!”

How will I raise five? How will I pursue ministry? It all feels impossible. I’m tired just thinking about starting over.

I felt such closeness with God this year. I fear the fire being smothered out. Lord, I need to hear from you. 

I’ve been thinking about writing a book entitled “On Mothering.” The first line will read, “This is the book I said I would never write.” 

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Thirty years ago the Lord used the book of Prover Thirty years ago the Lord used the book of  Proverbs to open my eyes to the wonder of His Word. I have a vivid memory of sitting in the old green church bus as we were pulling away from summer youth camp at @shoccosprings, opening my Bible to the middle, and be struck by the the conviction that what I was reading was surely the truest thing in all of life. 

I go back to Proverbs on the regular. This past Fall I returned to the familiar pages again and read it through slowly, carefully, and thoughtfully. 

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I love you all.
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Thanks yall, for enjoying this little space God gave us.
Humility is the heart of Christmas. Humility is the heart of Christmas.

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